Trumpet Player Jokes! Funny Stuff About Trumpeters
Trumpet playing is healthy and laughing is healthy, so why not make it super healthy and combine the two? Take a good look, laugh out loud, and share with your brass playing friends…
Trumpet player jokes
Q: Do you know what is says on the bottom of that trumpeters swimming pool?
A: No smoking!
The conductor says to the brass player:
– Are you aware of the fact that you have different colors on your socks? One is brown and one is black!
– Oh, that’s funny, I have a similar pair at home
Q: What’s the difference between a rocket launch and a lead trumpet player? A: about two decibels
Trumpeter: How many brothers do you have Benjamin?
Benjamin: I have two brothers!
Trumpeter: What the hell man, your sister says she has three!!
Q: How do you get a trumpet player to play fortissimo?
A: You write mezzo piano on the sheet music
Q: How do you get a trumpet to play pianissimo then?
A: You take away his instrument
Two brass players were out walking, one of them says:
– It smells funny! Did you crap your pants?
– God damn, it stinks! Are you sure you didn’t crap your pants?
– I’m 100% sure
– For fuck’s sake man, for the last time, did you crap your pants today?
– No, but yesterday!
Trumpeter: I have such a hard time quitting smoking!
Friend: I see, have you tried nicotine gums?
Trumpeter: Yeah, several times, but I find it difficult to light them on fire
The cornetist asks his son:
–So what did you learn in school today, my son?
– I learned how to write
– Wow, that’s really good! So what did you write?
– I don’t know, I have not yet learned how to read…
Friend: So how do you like your new rubber gloves?
Trumpeter: Oh they are amazing! I can wash my hands without getting wet!
Q: How do you know when a trumpet player is at your house?
A: They don’t know where to enter and what key to use.
Two trumpet players went to see a western movie. Clint Eastwood was in the leading role:
– I’ll bet a hundred bucks saying Eastwood does not fall of the horse one single time during the entire movie.
– You’re on, said the other
When the movie was over the winner of the bet said:
– Actually, I have seen this movie before, so I don’t want the money
– Well so have I, but I didn’t think that Eastwood would make the same mistake twice!!
A very drunk trumpet player sits in bar and looks up at the ceiling. He sees the ceiling fan and says:
– God damn it, the time flies!!
Q: Do you know why the trumpeter has two holes in his umbrella?
A: He wants to be able to see when it stops raining!
Q: What do trumpet players use for birth control?
A: Their personality!
Q: What do you call a high note player with only half a brain?
A: Very gifted
More Trumpet Player Jokes…
A cornetist tells his son:
– My son, you are not allowed to be anywhere near water until you have learned how to swim!
The religion teacher in the school says:
– This class is so crappy that 80% of you failed the test!
– That’s impossible sir, we are not that many!
One brass player to another:
– May I borrow your car tomorrow?
– What for?
– I would like to practice left side driving before my trip to England!
– What is the difference between a brass player and a monkeys butt?
– I don’t know?
– Neither do I!
Q: How do you know when a cornetist is coming for a visit?
A: The door bell is cracking notes
Q: What is the difference between a plastic bucket full of shit and a gifted lead trumpet player?
A: The plastic
The cop: This is going to cost you. Did you realize you were driving 70 miles per hour?
Trumpeter: That’s impossible, I have only been driving for five minutes!
Q: Do you know why it takes 10 trumpet players to milk a cow?
A: Because 9 of them are lifting the cow up and down and up and down…while the last one is holding the teat
A cornet player got lucky and won one million dollars on the lottery. When his friends asked him what he is going to do now, when having all that money, he replied:
– I’m going to continue to work as a professional brass player until I run out of money!
More Trumpet Player Jokes…
Waitress: What would you like to drink with the meal? Red or white wine? Trumpeter: It does not matter, I’m color blind
– Our wedding is next week on Saturday. Do you play the Trumpet Voluntary?
– No my parents forced me to start playing
The brass player to his wife:
– Don’t drink any more coctails tonight, you face is getting blurred
A brass quintet was going on a trip to Japan to perform some music. During the flight their ears got blocked due to the air pressure in the cabin. The flight attendant brought them some chewing gum and said:
-Try these and I’ll come back in 10 minutes and see if you guys are ok
10 minutes passed and she went back to the group
– So did it work?
– No, not at all! And now we have gum stuck in our ears!
The Brass Player Jokes Continues…
Q: Why do third trumpet players never smoke weed?
A: They can’t play high
A brass ensemble was having a gig for the inmates in prison. Before the gig starts the leader of the brass ensemble looks at the audience and says:
– We are very happy that so many of you showed up tonight!
Friend: What!?! Why on earth are you doing with the umbrella in the shower?
Trumpeter: I forgot to bring my towel
Q: How do you get two piccolo trumpets to play in tune?
A: You shoot one of them!
Q: Why are trombone jokes always so short and bad?
A: Because they are written by cornetists
The female trumpet player went to the doctor. She was having concerns and asked:
– Yes doctor, it’s like this, my husband is sterile so now I wonder, will my future kids be affected by this in any way?
A trumpeter is talking on the phone:
-Well if I dialed the wrong number, then why the hell did you answer?
A trumpeter is reading the phone book:
Smith, Smith, Smith…holy crap he’s got a lot of phones!
-When I grow up I want to be a lead trumpet player
– But Johnny boy, you can’t do both!
Q: How many brass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Take five!
A Trumpeter is writing a cook book:
The ham is to be boiled in cold water…
Two trumpeters are fishing:
– Do you know how much a float costs?
– No, not really. Why do you ask?
– Because mine just sank
Two trumpeters are fishing. After a while one of them gets a nice, big salmon. He looks at the fish and then throws it back into the sea…
– What the hell man, why did you throw the fish back?
– Are you crazy? It was a salmon, we can’t afford such an expensive fish
-Now remember that these new shoes will feel a bit too small the first week!
– Oh that’s no problem, I’m not going to wear them until two weeks from now.
Q: What should you do if a trumpeter throws a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull out the pin and throw it back at him!
The sargent: Are you out of your mind ?!? It is extremely dangerous pointing the gun right at my stomach like that, up close an all.
– Don’t worry sargent, the aim is set at 500 meters!
The conductor: How is it possible that you just played 20 wrong notes?
The trumpeter: There are only 20 notes to play sir
Q: What is the definition of a gentleman?
A: Someone who knows how to play the trumpet but doesn’t
Q: How many gifted trumpeters can you fit into a tiny little tent?
A: All of them.!
Q: When a trumpeter sees mf in the part, what does he immediately think of?
A: Maynard Ferguson, of course!
What’s the difference between a lawnmower and a piccolo trumpet?
1. Lawnmowers sound a lot better when performing with a piano
2. It is a lot easier to tune a lawnmower
3. Most people will get upset if you borrow a lawnmower and don’t return it.
4. The grip
Q: Why is it very important that trumpeters practise safe sex?
A: Do you really have to ask?
Many brass players likes to have a drink every now and then. So Johnny was going to serve whiskey to his guest but he could not find the ice cubes. He asked his musician friend:
– Where are the ice cubes, they were here just a few minutes ago?
– I don’t know either man, I just had them here and now they are gone!?
– Did you put them anywhere?
– No man, they were a bit dirty so I figured I’d wash them under running hot water
The trumpeter calls the hotel receptionist
– I would like to order a wakeup call
– Ok, sir, when?
– Right now please!
Violinist: Did you know that, in the USA, a person gets run over by a car every fifteen minutes?
Cornetist: Holy shit, that’s one hell of an unlucky guy!
Q: Why was the cornetist crawling on the supermarket floor?
A: He was looking for really low prices
Q: Why does the trombone player bring a car door with him when he’s going on a summer hike?
A: So that he can open the window if it get’s too hot
Q: But the cornet player brings TWO car doors on a hike, why is than then?
A: If it gets REALLY hot, he can open two windows and make a cross-breeze
Three cornetists were out walking. They suddenly cam upon a track of some sort.
-Look, I think this is might be the track of a wolf, said the first one
– Nah, don’t be stupid, it is clearly a moose, said the other cornetist…
The third cornetist was just about to open his mouth and say something when they all got run over by the train
The cornetist were running low on money, as they tend to do, so he decided to go look for a “real job”. He went to a lumber jacker and asked if he could help him out for a day.
– Sure, no problem, use this chainsaw. It’s a very good one and you should be able to cut down about 250 trees in one day with it
At the end of the day the lumber jacker checked up on the cornetist only to find that the cornetist had only finished one single tree.
– What the hell’s your problem? the lumber jacker asked
– I don’t know man, I’m doing my best here, I think there might be something wrong with the saw.
The lumber jacker grabbed the saw and started it…
– HOLY CRAP, the cornetist shouted, what’s that sound!?!
Ok a lot of jokes about trumpet players right there. I really hope that I have not offended any of my readers here. If so, then just swap the word “trumpeter” with the word “trombone player” and you will probably become happy again, pretty quickly =)
Seriously though, I really hope you got a good chuckle reading all these trumpet player jokes.
Got any funny jokes yourself? Please comment down below
Do you have any trumpet jokes that I did not include here…?
…if so, please, please… PLEASE write them in the comment section below because I would love it if we could get more of them here on this page and if we could make the page grow to a huge wall of funny jokes.
Also, if you comment, then you should know that if your comment does not show up right away, it is because the settings on my homepage is set in a way that all comments show up the day after they are written. (This is to prevent spammers)
P.S. Perhaps you also would be interested in reading my article
26 trumpet playing tips to help you become a better trumpet player